By Staff Writer – Herald Comical
FRANKLIN COUNTY — County officials confirmed Tuesday that much of Franklin County’s day-to-day government operations have been overseen by artificial intelligence for the past six months, following what was initially described as a “temporary modernization experiment.”
According to county administrators, the system was implemented after concerns about slow decision-making and budget inefficiencies.
What residents were not told at the time was that the “AI system” is, in fact, a refurbished Commodore 64 computer running a simple program that randomly selects “YES” or “NO” in response to submitted requests.
Despite the simplicity of the setup, officials say overall government efficiency has increased by approximately 45 percent.
“We were skeptical at first,” said one county clerk. “But it turns out a blinking cursor making instant decisions is faster than three subcommittees and a two-week email chain.”
How It Works
Requests ranging from zoning approvals to road repairs are now entered into the system using a beige keyboard that officials confirmed was purchased at a yard sale in 2003.
After a brief loading sequence, the screen flashes either:
YES
or
NO
Accompanied by what witnesses describe as a “cheerful electronic beep.”
Decisions are then immediately enacted.
“It removes emotion from the process,” said a county commissioner. “And also removes most meetings, which everyone seems to appreciate.”
Unexpected Improvements
Since the system’s introduction:
• Meeting times have decreased by 60%
• Paperwork has dropped significantly
• Arguments have been reduced to “light grumbling”
County budget reports indicate fewer delays, faster approvals, and an overall smoother workflow.
“Sometimes it says no to things we really wanted,” said another official. “But to be fair, we used to do that too.”
Public Reaction
Many residents expressed surprise, though some admitted they hadn’t noticed much difference.
“I figured something changed,” said a local citizen. “Things were getting done quicker. That’s usually not how government works.”
Another added, “Honestly, if a 40-year-old computer is running the county better, maybe that says something.”
Future Upgrades
Officials say there are no immediate plans to replace the system, though discussions are underway about adding a second program capable of selecting “MAYBE.”
“We don’t want to rush into anything too advanced,” the mayor said. “This technology is already working better than expected.”
When asked if the county had concerns about relying on outdated hardware, one administrator shrugged.
“It hasn’t crashed yet. And if it does, we’ll just blow on the cartridge and restart.”
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